
January 30, 2025
For the past two years, I have had the privilege of working with individuals at various stages of dementia. Before this experience, I had little exposure to the disease and the profound impact it has—not just on those diagnosed but also on their loved ones. Through my work, I’ve learned valuable lessons (and continue to learn more each day) about how to provide comfort, patience, and understanding.
January is Alzheimer’s Awareness Month in Canada, and I want to share some insights that may help those who are just beginning to navigate this journey with a loved one.
The Power of Presence
My clients still enjoy visits, even if they may not remember my name or why I’m there. What matters is the warmth of a friendly face, a patient ear, and a steady presence. However, I’ve learned that too many visitors can be overwhelming—sometimes, even two people at once can feel like too much. A quiet, familiar setting with minimal distractions allows for the most meaningful interactions. Timing is also key—visiting after a meal or a nap, when they are typically more at ease, can make all the difference.
Some may have hearing challenges, so I always make sure to face them when speaking and announce myself gently when entering a room. Small adjustments like these help prevent confusion and make conversations feel more natural.
Adjusting Expectations
It’s natural to expect our loved ones to be the same person they were a year ago, or even a decade ago. But with dementia, every day is different. What they recall may not align with your own memories or the reality you know to be true. The best approach? Go with the flow. Avoid correcting them or insisting on facts—if they are safe and content, let them believe what they believe. Arguing or forcing reality onto them only leads to frustration for both of you.
Encouraging, Not Forcing
Encouraging participation in daily activities, such as doctor’s appointments or bathing, often requires creativity. Rather than demanding or lecturing, I’ve found that shifting the focus to a positive memory related to the activity helps. If they resist, I step back and assess: Is this urgent, or can it wait? Sometimes, waiting for a calmer moment makes all the difference.
When possible, offer choices rather than directives. This gives them a sense of control—something they deeply crave as they feel their independence slipping away. Keeping choices simple (for example, “Would you like to wear the blue sweater or the red one?”) makes decision-making easier while still allowing them to maintain agency over their lives.
Letting Them Try
Many people with dementia believe they can still do things they once loved, even if their abilities have changed. Instead of saying, “You can’t do that,” I let them try in a safe way. If someone believes they can still ski, I might help them put on their gear indoors and see how they feel. More often than not, they recognize their own limitations—but the key is that they made the discovery themselves, rather than being told “no.” However, I am not suggesting this when it comes to driving. Always use caution and consider their safety at hand.
Encouraging social activities is also important for keeping the mind engaged. You can invite them to participate, but never force them. If they decline, that’s okay—what matters is that they know they have the option.
Communication with Compassion
Speaking with someone who has dementia requires patience and gentleness. Phrases like “Do you remember?” or “Remember when?” can be frustrating if they don’t recall the moment in question. Instead, I start with, “I’m not sure if I mentioned this…” or “Did I ever tell you about…?” This way, if they do remember, it’s a pleasant surprise rather than a reminder of what’s been lost.
If they forget something you’ve told them, simply repeat it as if it’s new information. Avoid saying, “I already told you that.” Their processing speed is slower, and it may take longer to absorb what you’re saying. Speak calmly, using short sentences, and allow plenty of time for them to respond. There’s no need to rush the conversation.
The Comfort of Silence
At first, I found silence uncomfortable—I’m naturally a talker. But over time, I’ve come to understand that moments of quiet are okay. Sometimes, my clients just need to sit in thought, or they may be feeling tired or overwhelmed. Instead of filling the silence with words, I’ll put on a favorite movie, play music, or ask gentle questions about their younger days. Often, these small gestures bring comfort and spark moments of connection.
Final Thoughts
Caring for someone with dementia is a journey filled with challenges, but also moments of deep connection and joy. By adjusting expectations, offering choices, and communicating with patience and warmth, we can create a safe and comforting environment for our loved ones.
If you’re new to this experience, know that you’re not alone. Take things one day at a time, celebrate the small victories, and remember—the person you love is still there, even if they show up in different ways than before.
Helpful Resources
For those looking to learn more about dementia and caregiving, here are some helpful books and resources:
Alzheimer Society of Canada (www.alzheimer.ca) – Offers valuable information, support groups, and resources for caregivers.
The Dementia Caregiver’s Guide (www.dementiacarecentral.com) – Practical tips and advice for those navigating dementia care.
“Creating Moments of Joy - Along the Alzheimer’s Journey” by Jolene Brackey - Practical advice from someone who has experienced the journey.
“The First Survivors of Alzheimer’s” by Dale E. Bredesen, MD. Inspiring, hopeful stories from patients who healed from Alzheimer’s disease - and how they did it.
Disclaimer: I have the last 2 books, which I have yet to fully read. The last book written on the Survivors is of particular interest. I understand that there is no cure for the disease, only methods to slow down the process. If you are on this journey, I highly recommend getting professional advice. You are not alone.
Robyn Wilson
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